


The Broken Mind Of Haruno Sakura

by peachbun03



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Angst, Gen, Haruno Sakura-centric, Implied Relationships, One Shot, POV First Person, POV Haruno Sakura, Past Relationship(s), Sakura is contemplating her life choices, Sakura is depressed, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28434507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachbun03/pseuds/peachbun03
Summary: Sakura rethinks the choices that led her up to this point in her life and the cruelty of it all.
Kudos: 18





	The Broken Mind Of Haruno Sakura

**Author's Note:**

> Before I wrote this fic I was looking at Sakura from the manga of Naruto Gaiden and the entire time I couldn't help but notice how unhappy she looked and as well as how she reacted to Sarada's questions about Sasuke, and then I started to wonder IF she was happy with her marriage. I wrote this fic as a way to try to express that emotion of losing yourself because of your choices and trying to do right by those who are affected by them which in this case is Sarada.

There is a void in my heart.

Constantly growing inside me like a virus.

It constantly pokes holes in my heart and lungs, and makes me bleed out rivers all in colors but shades of red.

Is this cruelty or is this punishment.

I have no idea, and I'm not sure if I truly want to know.

All of this over some stupid crush, a childish obsession thought to be love.

But he never looks at me, nor our child and even in the moments i thought I felt blessed I never felt true happiness then or even now because deep down I knew I was just lying to myself.

That I built myself up on an elaborate lie.

This was not love, it never was, I pretended for so long, hung up on something because it felt like the right thing to do, it felt like the SAFE thing to do.

Now I don't know what to do anymore because now I am lost in a loveless marriage, with a child who holds resentment in her heart and shattered broken dreams of what I should've become.

That little girl I used to be may be dead, and now she is only a shadow because I feel like I have truly lost my soul.

That Haruno Sakura exists no more.

My heart no longer bleeds red, only the black paste of lies that I filled myself with.

The abandonment of my true sense of self still haunts me to this day. The one filled with innocence, the one filled to the brim of genuine love for a friend.

But I threw that all away out of fear. I was afraid of alienation but in reality, the only one who was still alienating me was me. Because I let my fears control my mind and in return, my mind threw away parts of my heart. Bit by bit.

And now I look on at that same friend and the way she smiles as her husband and how happy her marriage seems to be. Ino can sometimes be annoying, but at least her child doesn't question his parentage because his life is filled with love, a love that I failed to give mine.

To this day I'm not completely sure who I'm jealous of. My friend who is happy in marriage, or of the man that got to walk her down the aisle, and stole her away with the brush of his lips.

I don't know, and it's too late to find out anyway.

Because my love has scorned me, and my obsession with normalcy has blinded me and has created a cavity within my chest. Sometimes I wonder what I could've been, what would've happened if I had let go of Sasuke's hand and went to hold onto Ino's a little while longer. Even memories can last an eternity, and even if it only lasted a few moments longer, things would be different. WE would be different.

But that doesn't matter, not now, not ever.

Like back then I have to continue burying these feelings deep within myself even if it burns me. Even if the void gets bigger. Because of my choices and because of HIS we have brought a life into this world, one who is suffering because of my selfish wish.

I love my daughter, but my love may not be enough. But I'll still keep trying, and I'll still get up in the morning even if it destroys me. Even when I feel like grinding my bones and rotting my teeth because I can't change the past even if I tried. So I'll keep moving forward if not for me then for Sarada.

Because at the end of the day that's all I'm good for isn't it. Trading my heart for others. 

Haruno Sakura may no longer exist, but Sarada Uchiha does and even if it kills me I'll keep going, because I may have lost myself, I may have lost my sanity, my heart, my soul. But that doesn't mean she has to too.

I have thrown myself away, and I will keep doing so if that means she won’t face the same.


End file.
